Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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