I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
