As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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