It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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