i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
