Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
