ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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