The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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