Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
