Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
