My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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