you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
