My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
