i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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