A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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