He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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