Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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