My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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