.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
