I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
