he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
