So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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