She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
