We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
