And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
