dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
