you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize