He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
