I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
