Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
