I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
