Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
