he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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