my shit smells like andre
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
