dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
