Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
