is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
