The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
