I wish you could order shots online.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
