Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
