Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
