did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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