He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
