So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
