his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
