So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
