i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
