I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
