singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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