in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
