Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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