Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
