Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
