hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
