My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my being single is dangerous.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize