Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
