very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
