the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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