currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
