Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
