I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
