Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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