I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
zippers are such a cool invention
im holly from the hills drunk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
