You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
