Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
