drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize