I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
bring money and cleavage
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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