Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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