She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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