He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm at about main and main street
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
