I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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