my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
