every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
