Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We left an ass print on the piano.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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