Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
