If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
