Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
