finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
