never play flip cup with pint glasses
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let's get the cat blown out
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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