i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
